How to Incinerate Stuff Without Using Fire

I'm not really sure, but I know someone who does. This is gonna be a really bitter post.

I was seriously burnt to a crisp a few hours ago. If it was with fire, I would say probably a 3rd-degree burn, but since it wasn't, the 10th-degree is more like it. We had to do our Theology reporting in class today for my Dr. Professor, who is insanely intelligent about this field and really knows what he's talking about. He burnt me. Alive. You know how your friends would all shout in chorus "BUUUUURN" when you are left speechless by a comeback of another friend? That's how I was burnt.

So we were supposed to discuss in class whether Homosexual Marriage should be allowed by the church or by state, and by people in general (just FYI my group mates and I are all supporting this). I must admit that we weren't prepared. In fact, all the research we did was from the internet only, plus we are all still posting our "research" the night before. I knew deep down that it will be hard, and that I was expecting corrections to be made by my prof regarding our presentation. What caught me off guard, however, was his SHOUTING, unfortunately, only to me. Never have I ever felt so singled out and alone than today.

I'd like to convince myself that this misfortune that befell me is due to bad luck. I wasn't the one who researched the points I was shouted at for. Nor was I the one who did the presentation which lacked reliable, and known to be existing sources. But for some reason, I just had to be the one to have reported those parts of the presentation. I agree with him with the need for the sources, but I was helpless. I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't know. 


It was also a misfortune, I think, that my Professor's intelligence far surpasses an average human's. The problem with having to deal with immense intellect, knowledge, smartness, whatnot, is the fact that you will never be good enough. Usually, it is a good thing for a teacher to be immensely knowledgeable, but right now, I beg to differ. It's just so hard to compete, to debate, and to differ. It's like my opinion doesn't even matter. It's like everything you do is wrong. Like your only option is to surrender and accept the fact that even though we have our own rights to have our own beliefs, his are the right ones. The problem is still being expected to meet up to the standards.


As I was being shouted at, all my ego is draining out of me. If ego is fats, I would be bones now, I swear. There are still some of his lines that are left ringing in my head. Do you understand why I'm so frustrated? And I, the person who doesn't even get mad, says yes, I understand, I'm sorry. Probably only because it's the only right thing to say, or probably because there really isn't anything I can say which will not be refuted in the end. I do not understand why, honestly. I would understand it if you give us a crappy grade for our crappy presentation, if that's what you find our work to be like. But no, he is just very expressive. As for the quality of our work, I'm sorry for my group, but I also think that everything could've been a lot better. I could've presented my points a lot better had I not been shouted at. Seriously, all the shit I memorized, gone.

I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Imagine what more if he is actually trying to make me feel bad. He killed a little something inside of me. Alfons even said I was shaking.

This is grade school grammar. This one I actually wrote, but I did not intend it to be part of the presentation. I did not give much thought about that point, and was only able to edit around 5 words of it before presenting. Duh, that's why I had to take basic English HAHA:)). Anyway, it's not like I take pride in my English speaking skills to begin with, so I wasn't really hurt by this.

Above all of what my Prof said, I was more hurt with the realizations I had right after it. First, I already stated earlier, I was the only one he shouted at. Second, the points which had me to be his target wasn't even mine. Third, my group mate, I do not know which one, who did that certain research did not even "back me up, nobody did" (Pun intended with the emphases). Fourth, the stuff that I actually was the one who researched were okay for him. Lastly, having the feeling that I cannot blame anybody in the end. I was lazy, okay? I wouldn't ever do that PowerPoint presentation for the group, even if you asked me to. I never would have compiled all the researches, even. I was the only one to blame with this bad luck. Even if I convince myself that it wouldn't have turned out this way had I only felt productive enough to take note of the sources, it doesn't matter because I didn't, I was lazy, I didn't really care.

I am bitter, I told you. And I am sorry for using my blogging to vent all of this out. Hopefully, I can write something soon enough that would make us all smile, and hopefully even laugh. What's actually keeping me a bit cooler now is the thought that maybe some of my other group mates might not have been as calm as me during the session. I was glad it was me, who doesn't give a shit about life, who was put into hot seat.

My tips to the next people to report, specially my blockmates:

1. Do not put a lot of words in your slides. I was shocked to discover that there are a lot of things I wrote and said in there but did not actually mean. I suggest you only put really important words or key figures and just make note cards for yourselves and make up to it by speaking your points.
2. Cite your sources.
3. Do not be me. I still feel that he has something against me HAHAHA
4. Take it seriously
5. For your Theological references, use only sources from the CCC, the Pope, and the bible.
6. Be prepared to be shouted at.

No proofreading, too lazy B-) Just excuse my grade school grammar :(